It was great while it lasted

Well.

I should have appreciated it more.  I should have loved it more.  I should have known it was fleeting.  That 80's heavy metal hair band sure knew what they were talking about when they sang, "don't know what you got, 'til it's gone"...

What am I lamenting you ask?

Tonight I came home from work, made a grilled cheese sandwich, and decided to catch up on my facebooking/emailing/browsing since I had the use of my husband's laptop.  The Mac is stilll down, mainly because we can't make a decision on whether to fix it or replace it.  And it is just too hard to do a lot of on-line stuff on my phone during the day with my big man hands.

Oh wait a second, let me go back a bit.

Today Lauren and I spoke.  On the phone.  That's right my friends.  She and I have officially entered into the bizarro world.  (A Seinfeld reference, for those of you who are hip enough to watch that show.)  We have always been careful not to cross that line.  You know, the line where actual human contact is involved.  We kind of assumed it would be weird and we would end up spending a lot of time together and then start to neglect our dogs and men, and also, in my case, children.  Well I guess she could neglect her nanny child.  (And then have someone write about her on that blog I Saw Your Nanny.  By the way, wtf?  What is that about?  I looked at it today and it is scary city.  Just a bunch of anonymous people posting snippets of random nannies neglecting children...)   Anyway, we were talking about a top secret project and I slayed her with my humor and quick wit, and then she lost her connection/hung up on me or something...blah, blah, blah...it didn't matter that much because I had someone coming over and had to get off the phone anyway.  The point is, we were chatting away like there was no tomorrow.  We were laughing.  Bonding.  Sharing.  Conspiring.

So, imagine my horror when I went to the Phat Farm site tonight to read about Lo's diet, and discovered that...MBFCW's tab has been removed.  It's back on the side with all those other blogs. 

RIP MBFFW

I have spent the past several days thinking.  And eating.  And watching a lot of TV.  But mostly, I have been thinking.

I am thinking about how I can monetize Lauren's blog.  And yes, I think I just invented a new verb.

Because I know my audience is directly a result of Lauren's blog, and I also know this blog will self-destruct the moment Jesse and Lauren say "I do," the first task at hand is to find a new subject for Lauren to blog about.  Then I can revamp this blog to echo her new blog.

This is where things get crazy.  Let's discuss some ideas.  In what format, you ask?  Bullet points!  Duh!

• Young Apartment Ambivalence--there are so many blogs out there going on and on about how terrific it is to renovate and decorate your home.  Lauren's could be more in the vein of, "ok, I did this, here is how it looks, it wasn't that fun and it cost me an arm and a leg..."
• Nanny 101--Lauren could do little tutorials on childcare.  Just last night, when I told her Kylee was a real pill at the MOA, she suggested we could sell her.  Now if Lauren could just perfect an English accent, ala Mary Poppins or Jo from that nanny show...
• The Wonder Year...a blog chronicling her and Jesse's first year of marriage.  I think this is a good one and has the most potential of securing advertisers.  She could test out kitchen products, gadgets for homes, visit restaurants, etc.  The possibilities are endless!

Guest Blogger: Bride of Chuckie Invasion

Has anyone seen the movie The King of Kong: a Fistful of Quarters?  Yeah, didn't think so.  It's a documentary about a laid-off science teacher who buys a Donkey Kong machine and becomes really good at the game and sets the world record.  Please don't ask why I have seen this movie, or why I believe I own this movie and it's in the basement of my house.  But do ask why that science teacher decided to spend his money on an arcade machine and then spend all his time mastering the game instead of looking for a job.

Anyway, that intro is just about me being able to say it's on like Donkey Kong.  What's on like Donkey Kong?  MBFCW's first guest blogger, that's what!  Thanks Lauren.

this is obviously a picture of Lauren

     Today Jesse and I made our inagural trip to Aldi.  For all you grocery shopping novices, Aldi is a discount grocery store.  I was initially beyond pissed that they dared ask me to insert a quarter to "release" a shopping cart.  I even told Jesse to go back to the car, drive home to Minnetonka, return with a laundry basket, and then follow me around the store as I shopped.  He declined, and so I made like a freak at Machine Shed and gave up the quarter.

     I was amazed at the assortment, but was skeptical of the "off" brands.  What I mean by "off" is my pizza rolls did not say "Totino's," but instead said "Italian-4-me-and-U."  Jesse and I trudged on though, and were quickly swayed by the cheaper prices.  As the signs say, "No looking for sales!"

     I also noticed that they are big on the money saving tip by having limited staffing.  That's more money in my pocket!  I bagged my own groceries, and then paid a paltry amount for some grocery bags.  (Again, if Jesse had gotten the laundry basket, we could have saved money and not bought the bags...)  And I came to realize that the whole quarter thing is an initiative to return the cart to it's original place, as YOU GET THE QUARTER BACK once that's done.  It saves on having to have a cart boy!

     And Gertie, the oldest employee at my Aldi, also told us that there are "special buys" that come around every so often.  She said, "while they last.  Get there fast" because I guess it's all snooze-you-lose, but that's also part of the Aldi tradition--surprises!  You never know what you might find!

     Also, while checking out, I noticed that Aldi does not accept credit cards, but they are working on that.  And they also offer what's called a "double guarantee."  This means that if you don't LOVE what you buy, Aldi will replace the item, (even though you didn't love it in the first place), and refund your money!  Score.

Lauren lives in Minnetonka, Minnesota with her fiance Jesse and their dogs, Honey Crisp and Jagger.  When Lauren is not blogging, you can find her facebook bossing-around-people, nannying it up in Uptown, and reminiscing about the good ole' days she spent as the Dairy Princess.  To read more of her musings, check out her blog.

List

I think Lauren misses me.

Seriously, who wouldn't?

This is the first time I have had to blog in days.  It's Sunday, and I have a ton of errands to run, but I thought I would do this first.

So, let's look at what I have to do today, in my most favorite format ever, bullet points!

• buy groceries at Target.  I am really hoping I can do this without Kylee's assistance
• laundry.  This is so on-going that it isn't really worth listing
• drop four bags off at Jesse and Lauren's ARC
• buy cute salt and pepper shakers at West Elm
• buy some containers at the Container Store

It doesn't seem like that big of a list, but trust me, it will take all day.  And I have to fit a nap in there somewhere also.

Anyway, back to Lo and Jesse.  I am still working on my blog for Phat Farm.  (Remember, I have been asked to "guest blog"!)  It's almost done, but like I said, I have been super busy and haven't had a ton of time.  Oh, and the Mac is down, and I think we might have to throw the in the towel and go buy a new one...add that to the list:

• cruise by the Apple store

Pre-nup

Man, I just hate lawyers.  That Shakespeare guy was really onto something when he stated, "first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers."

Why was I talking to a lawyer?  For Lauren and her pre-nup, naturally.  I took it upon myself to assure she gets custody of the pups and future canine support (pupalimony) in case anything should happen.

Just kidding.

It's a long and convoluted story, but my interaction with this lawyer was a bunch of crap.  She isn't even the lawyer we hired; she's his "boss."  I was complaining about my lawyer's lack of attention.  She clearly knows nothing about customer service and she made a lot of grunting sounds, (sarcastically), "um, hummmm".  Who uses sounds like that?  Especially a professional?

Well, I looked her up, and I will tell you who grunts at clients who have paid for their services.  Gross, homely, ugly sweatered, overweight women with bad hair.  I then did some research on attorney attitudes, and found an interesting article that explained if an attorney already has a personality flaw, becoming an attorney will only exacerbate it because they are granted power.

So, clearly this attorney is on the crazy train because she is a social degenerate who can't get a date.

Disclaimer:  My precious, perfect first-born is currently enrolled in a college at a University that is specifically designed for pre-law students.  But I know if she chooses to become a lawyer, she will never be gross and wear ugly sweaters.

I want Jesse

Lauren just asked me to be a "guest blogger" on her blog.

Now, I ask you, why would I blog on her blog when I author my own companion blog to her blog?  Could it be she needs filler for her blog and so in her desperate attempt to parlay information on her blog, she has reached out to me?  Plus, my blog has its own tab on her blog.

And, can I also add that I have nothing to blog about?  Lo and Jesse give me exactly zero information to use.  Yeah, she dragged him into my store, and now she's all threatened by the uber chemistry Jesse and I shared, but beyond that, they haven't given me much.

So, let's discuss a wedding topic we haven't yet covered.

Hairstyles.

I'm not sure what Lauren has planned for her hair on the big day.  Although given her penchant for the non-traditional and the fact that the wedding is taking place on a farm leads me to believe she might do something very casual and informal.  Which I actually think would be awesome and refreshing considering most brides today do severe up do's with tight curls.  I did suggest a nice side braid, flowing loosely over her shoulder--an idea immediately shot down by Lauren.

My own wedding hairstyle was awful.  The woman had no experience with my hair, and so during the trial run I tried to explain to her what I wanted.  I don't think she listened.  At all.  Because I ended up looking like Marlo Thomas in That Girl.  Or Mary Tyler Moore when she was on the Dick Van Dyke show.  It looks okay in some pictures, but mostly it just looks stiff and weird.  And retro.

so accurate it's scary

Also, on the way to the salon, some charged-up grandma who had been sitting on her deck, (smoking, I'm sure) blocked us from leaving our driveway.  She was in her four door sedan, and said that she had just witnessed my (now) husband speeding down the road and she wasn't having it, as apparently she owned the island and really hated us tourists.  I responded by getting out of our car and telling her that "us tourists" provided "her" island with an economy, which in turn enabled her to live there year-round.  Anyway, she chased me back to my car, and I arrived at the hair salon late, (so I couldn't get my nails done), and flustered.

Maybe to the dress

Our bride's wedding dress is in!  And she is pissed!

As with the rest of her non-traditional wedding plans, her reaction to the call that her dress was ready and waiting was just as unexpected.

For the record, when I got the word that my dress had arrived, I was insanely excited.  I booked my first fitting right there on the phone.  Wild horses couldn't have kept me away!  I took my cousins to my last fitting, and my friend who does visual design for Marshall Fields Macy's showed up also, as he was in the store, working.  And he said my dress had just the right drape, as I seductively turned and looked back at him...

Anyway, Lauren is mad that a) the salon has dared to call her more than once, b) she has been given only fourteen days to pick up her dress, and c) she is pasty white right now, as it's the middle of winter in Minnesota and Jesse has not taken her any place warm and sunny.

Another sidenote:  take it from someone who knows, if you buy something, don't leave it at the store any longer than you have to.  If the store says it's ready, go get it.  Do you know what goes down in stockrooms and back hallways?  No.  But if I purchased a $400 desk, I would not want it hanging around, getting banged up by every person who walked by it, or people sitting on it, chatting about last night at the bar.  Just sayin'.

So, I don't know when the dress will be picked up, as Lauren said to me the other day, "oh yeah, what are they gonna do?  Give it away?"  Her tone was very confrontational, as if she was actually daring the salon to give her dress away.

SWF

Imagine my surprise last night when my my co-worker told me I had "visitors."

I always shudder when I hear that people are in the store wanting to see me.  Scot and Kylee only come by during planned and carefully timed craft events that typically occur on Saturday mornings, and all of my other friends work at the store with me.  So, if there's a random visitor, it means worlds are about to collide because it's someone from SE MN and not from my Edina circle.

And who was it, you ask?

Why, it was our fair bride, sans make-up, and her betrothed.

Apparently Lauren and Jesse were out, looking at stuff to register for at PB.  She immediately complained to me about the customer service at PB, and I just thought,  I don't work over there.  I work here.  I also suggested to her that her lack of make-up, Ugg boots, and big puffy winter coat may have screamed, I am not your traditional customer, I am ghetto.

Lauren then asked me about some patterns for china, talked to me about the inferiority of Big Bowl chinese food vs. Pei Wei, and casually mentioned they were heading to Crate and Barrel to presumably register for bigger and better things than my company has to offer.

Now, I have never met Jesse, and I must say, he is pleasant, sportily dressed, and clearly enamored with my quick wit.  I liked him.  I am actually scared to admit this, as Lauren threatened me later during a chat, "you want him, don't you?  Keep your hands off my man."