(Moment of Repose)

Jesse and Lauren, if they were Russian mice

As that little mouse in  An American Tail whispers, "desperate times call for desperate measures..."

Well, I am obviously desperate for inspiration, as this post is about Lauren casually mentioning to me that she is "feeling like bloggin'" and she "feels something brewin'"

See, the engaged couple gives me such little material to work with.  They have a blog, but they don't really blog.  So my blog, which is a response to their blog, has become stagnant, and now I am resorting to writing about a potential blog entry.

Actually, I think that mouse says, "we need to create a diversion" or something like that.  I don't know where that "desperate times calls for desperate measures" line comes from, or why I thought of An American Tail.

aka, dot-dot-dot

The groom has spoken!

Jesse recently blogged on Phat Farm Wedding!  It was interesting, as it was about his kickball team.  But he somehow wove it all into the wedding by sharing with us that said kickball team would be at the nuptials in August.

l-r, Santiago, Lauren, Jesse, Sven, Roshumba

The kickball team Jesse and Lauren have been playing on is named We Got the Runs.  It's some menagerie of foreigners and nannies that frankly sounds more like a United Color of Benetton ad than a competitive group of athletes.

But I respect Jesse's use of ellipses...always leave 'em wanting more...right?

Disclaimer:  This is a joke.  I am in no way racist, nor do I stereotype people.  Unless you are Asian.  Then I know you do math and drive a tricked out Acura.  With a spoiler on the back.  You probably take a lot of pictures and dress horribly, also.

Once Upon a Bridesmaid

Let me just preface this post with I have been sick for the past week and am still quite congested.  I am on some serious meds and so I can't be held completely responsible for my ramblings writings.

(Dramatic Pause)

Our bride has chosen her bridesmaid dresses!

This happened so quickly.  It was like she threw together her posse and stormed a bridal salon, and boom, there you go.  I kind of appreciate her decisiveness, even though, as her wedding planner, it would have been nice to have been invited.  She choose a simple little party dress with side pockets, and according to Phat Farm Wedding, there was a debate on whether her chosen circle of gal pals will be able to wear it again.

So, let's clarify: NO

A bridesmaid dress is a bridesmaid dress.  It's typically shiny and a bit puffy, and no matter how simplistic or casual you try to go, it is what it is.  I mean, even if my past bridesmaid dresses were acceptable attire for another event, that other event would never present itself.  I have never been invited to a cocktail party, the Kentucky Derby, or a Real Housewives function.

Also, if I agree to be in your wedding, it means I love you enough to spend the money on the dress without anticipation of wearing it again, and it means I will be in the photographs around your house for the rest of your life.

not my sister, but her groom inexplicably wore a top hat also, complete with cane

I have been in a total of three weddings.  My oldest sister was married in 1991 and so the dress was red and big-shouldered--straight out of Dynasty.  My other sister had a formal wedding at a historic estate in the Berkshires; the dress she chose was a slate blue two-piece.  Might I add that I looked stunningly "healthy" next to my size 2 daughter, who wore the same dress.  Lauren's cousin did a kind of assembly line approach; she gave me a swatch of the color, (latte), and then a book with styles of dresses I could choose from.  It fit me like a tent perfectly and had tea stains all over it before the ceremony even began.  (Thanks, Lauren's other cousin.)

I told my own bridesmaid to choose whatever she wanted, as long as it was pale green.  She chose Vera Wang, and it was more beautiful than my dress.  It had this kicky little panel in the back; almost like a huge pleat...I loved it.`

WTF?

Apparently, Lauren has become a huge professional sports fan because of her beloved's adoration of the Twins and the Vikings.  I'm not one to judge, but WTF?

I hate sports.  Especially professional ones.  I went to a Twins game, once, to see the new stadium everyone was waxing poetic about, and...it rained.  Not a downpour, yet not a drizzle.  It rained just hard enough for it to be annoying, and force me to stand under a heat lamp, with some strange short man trying to "share" the same space with me.

Policing the weather...and you

I've never been to a Vikings game or a Timberwolves game.  My husband thinks I would like a Timberwolves game, because there are "lights and dancers and music."

I went to an Edina football game a couple of years ago.  We had to sit on the opposing team's side, as there was no room on the Edina side.  Jonathan Yuhas, the weather man from KARE 11, was moonlighting as a security guard.  WTF?

Dollars for Dogs

Jumpin' Jehoshaphats!  Our fair bride wrote on her wedding blog!

I don't know, it was something about a dollar dance, and the history of them and stuff.  I think it's all about being able to spend some one-on-one time with the bride or groom, as typically they are busy the night of the wedding and so in order to talk to them, you have to pay them.

I didn't have a dollar dance because I didn't have a dance.  I think I paid my cousin Kim a dollar to dance with her at her wedding.

Guster French

Anyway, Lauren and Jesse are going to do a dollar dance and then donate the money to an animal shelter.  I would keep the money for myself, but I'm not them, and so I think it's a grand idea.  We "saved" our dog, Gus.  Sometimes I regret it.  Like when he bites all of my friends, gets banned from a national chain of pet supply stores, or humps my husband's leg.  I think he throws up more than an average dog also.  I am sitting here trying to think of what I get from him.  Still thinking...

P.S.  (added later)  Today Gus ate an entire peanut butter and jelly sandwich, for no apparent reason.  Who knew he even liked PB&J?  He stole it off the nightstand.  My husband was mad and kicked him out of the room.

...and other mysteries of the universe

who wouldn't want to be his girl?

I was just wondering some things:

Will Lauren or Jesse ever blog again on My Big Phat Farm Wedding?

Will Jesse's Girl by Rick Springfield be played at some time?

Will Uncle Rocky be there?  I hope so.  It means, that despite the presence of a bride in a white dress, I will still be the best lookin' lady in Dodge County.  (And a big wink to you too, Rocky!)

Will Aunt Kelly, (on the Fate side), be there?  Probably not, as she's really not a relative, but I like her.

If it rains, will everyone get wet and muddy, and then decide to slide down the ditches and hills at the farm?

Will there be a big white tent?  Nothing says circus like a big white tent.

Or, you could do this

"please come to our farm wedding in august"

I am sure my father-in-law, Captain French, would be happy to pilot his plane for you!

Ralph Nader, Al Gore, Jane Goodall, Lauren Cooper?

love 'em, wanna marry 'em

I believe in Save the Date cards.  I like them.  I especially like when they are made into little magnets that you can hang on your fridge.

Our bride has solicited opinions on her facebook account and most of the responses have been that she doesn't need to send Save the Date cards out.  Then she threw in the whole environment-save-a-tree thing and people really got crazy.

First, Save the Date cards are nice.  They are considerate.  They let people know what's going on.  They add a bit of sophistication.

Second, they aren't that expensive to make.  It's just another little thing a bride can do to enjoy her journey to the altar.  As I have said before, I like fancy paper and I like pretty things.  Save the Date cards would have been just another crafty project for me to do, had I done them.

And last, it won't save that many trees.  We aren't short on trees anyway.  That is a myth.

Honesty is such a lonely word...oops wrong song

Despite my fabulous choices for her, Lauren has decided to go with "I Love You Just the Way You Are" by Billy Joel for her and Jesse's first dance.  Big surprise.

(I'm sorry, but wasn't Billy Joel married to Christie Brinkley and then Katie Lee Someone who hosted one season of "Top Chef" and was there another woman in-between?  This is not your role model, my little grasshopper bride.)

And anyway, if you were going to go all retro, couldn't you have chosen this song?

Scraps in Time, Winds of Change, Scraps in Winds, Winds of Scraps, Winds in Scrappy Times

When my best friend was looking at wedding invitations, I showed her one that I had recently received in the mail.  Cost wasn't a huge issue, but for some reason we looked at each other and decided to make her invitations.

She called me one day and asked me to go shopping.  I said yes and we headed to the city.  I was perplexed when she pulled into a strip mall and announced we were going into a store called Scraps in Time.  (The title of this post refers to all the names we eventually called the store each time we made a trip there to pick up more supplies.)

Wow, it was weird in there.  Now, I LOVE paper.  Always have.  I am obsessed with cool prints and designs, I love different textures and colors, finding Christmas paper is always fun for me.  I even have a favorite paper store, Paper Source (http://www.paper-source.com/cgi-bin/paper/locations/mn_minneapolis.html).  And I can wrap and fold.  I can wrap and fold like no other.

potential wedding attire for Jesse and Lauren

We were greeted by a woman wearing jeans and a denim shirt (aka, denim on denim).  My best friend told her what we were doing and what we needed.  I KNEW what we needed.  The denim lady knew even more of what we needed.  She really took control of the situation.

Over the next week,  my husband made a template and then my husband, my best friend, my best friend's fiance and I all got together one night and did a lot of printing and cutting.  Then my best friend had a shower and everyone there assembled the invitations.  This is where I don't claim ownership to the project anymore.  I had no quality control and I think things might have gotten sloppy here and there.

I have volunteered to assist Lauren with her invitations.  Some interloper (http://www.facebook.com/#!/Yomommasofat?ref=ts) has butted in and offered his services as well.  We'll see who she chooses.

OMG to the third power

completely speechless am I

It has just been brought to my attention that Lauren dreams of swaying away the first dance at her wedding to...(wait for it)...Kenny G.

When I first read it, I was confused and started thinking of Kenny Loggins.  I reminisced about how my high school jazz band dared to play "Danger Zone" and briefly pictured Lauren and Jesse grooving to the entire "Top Gun" soundtrack.  But then, wouldn't "Take My Breath Away" be more apropos?

This song was sang a capella at my wedding (there was no first dance): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SRdhiD9MvA&feature=related

My choices for Lauren:

• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwFS69nA-1w (quirky, like Lauren)

• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJ3xTjvj9tw (the man I would marry if I wasn't married--or if he wasn't)  

• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_XwAKrLidw&feature=related (Ben Folds is a genius)

RIP Kenny G.

Wedding Promo

Lauren and "friend"

In an effort to increase blog readership, Lauren has decided to offer free kickball lessons to the first ten people who sign up to follow this blog.  I'm not sure how this will work, as one would have to be aware of this blog to see this promo to begin with.  I think the plan is flawed, but what can I do?  She's the bride.

This doesn't seem to be much of an enticement to me--where in life could kickball lessons be applied--but Lauren seemed pretty excited when she came up with the idea.

FYI--if you do win the kickball lessons, you are completely obligated to take them.  Does anyone remember our genteel bride's infamous facebook rant, berating those who signed up for her kickball league and then failed to show up and actually play?  Shudder.

I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so

My bride and I chatted it up last night and I managed to glean some pertinent wedding details.

Apparently the DJ they are hiring also does karaoke. Many of my friends know my feelings on karaoke. My mantra is: "hey, I can make a fool of myself every day of the week and twice on Sunday without even trying, so why would I do so voluntarily?"

Not Jesse

I just don't get it.

And it's doubly weird because I love all things Japanese. Hello Kitty, (sanrio.com), Tokidoki, (tokidoki.it), Sakichi Toyoda, (toyota.com). Myself. Just kidding.

Hey, did you know Jesse proposed to Lauren a la karaoke? He did, and then they proceeded to sing "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley. Seriously, maybe this whole wedding thing is a joke, and we are all being rick-rolled!