Jaime's back, tell a friend

Well, it's been awhile and I bet all you dedicated readers thought my blog had gone the way of the electric typewriter. Wrong! Bitches, I'm back!

So, I have been seriously neglectful and now find myself behind the eight ball when it comes to memorializing Jesse and Lauren's wedding...which by the way, is like six weeks away.

I know they had a shower this weekend. I know not because I was invited, but because I read about it on facebook. I did, however, receive my lovely wedding invite last week. I just have to RSVP. I'm putting it off because I don't know if Kylee will be ready for her debut into Dodge society.

I also can't believe that this summer is technically over anyway. My place of employment is featuring "Back to School" products and the new fall lines are coming in tomorrow. I guess in some way, the Phat wedding will be an end of the summer bash. Seriously, if there was ever a wedding theme begging to be used, that's it.

jbnswahwolvhbola23hgfahufxpximkxxik--love Kylee

It's been a while since I blogged.  Not because I have given up on my fair couple or anything...it's more about time and the things I have wanted to get done around the house.  Plus, my first born was home for spring break and so I was busy with her.

Anyway, I hate my house, but am resigned to living here.  I live in a suburb where you don't get much bang for your buck.  Anyway, in an attempt to make things better, I have been doing small home improvement projects.  This isn't easy for me because I am insanely lazy when it comes to doing things for myself.  But I love HGTV and it makes everything look kind of easy and so I started with painting my basement.

We spend oodles of time down there because of Kylee.  The room is a combination playroom/den/office and so I had to choose a color that would be okay for all three spaces.  Like, I didn't want the den to be pink, you know what I'm sayin'?

After many swatches and debates, I chose a color called Sycamore.  It's a shade of green that reads almost neutral, depending on the time of day.  I painted the whole room and was quite smug about it when I was done.

(It's worth mentioning here that I asked Lauren several times if she knew how to paint.  And also if she knew how to refinish wood floors.  She never really answered me.)

I have also ordered some art and am contemplating what shelves to buy...did I mention I am also indecisive?  I am, especially when it comes to things for my house. In fact, tonight I made an impulse buy, and have already tried to cancel the order.  It was a rug, and I don't think I want it anymore.  Too much like the one I already have.

But, back to our couple...

First of all, Jesse blogged.  I can't believe he said it, but he doesn't like Bravo.  Seriously, wtf.  Who doesn't love Bravo?  It airs all my favorite shows.  It's sacrilege that he wants the network headquarters turned into a parking lot.  Now, I ain't suggesting that war bond isn't enticement.  But come on.  What would I do without Top Chef?

Secondly, Lauren posted her recipes for buffalo chicken sandwiches and dip.  I told her I had made the required purchases and was about to make the dip.  She then told me I would have crazy nightmares if I ate it. 

Jaime nine months ago

This month will mark my ninth month of life in Lauren's circle. Yes, I have always kind of known her, but actually being in her world has only gone on for about as long as it takes to bake a baby.

Nine months ago I was a stay-at-home-mom, or as Lauren says, a SAHM. I was preparing to send my oldest child off to college out east, with a two month stay at my sister's house on the way.  Graduation was over and my years rearing her had turned out pretty successfully.

It was a long and hot summer. I spent my nights and weekends delivering furniture and doing window displays. I thought about painting a room or two in the house, but I had no ambition and my husband had no job. It seemed like we ate rice/ramen/egg noodles all summer and did nothing, as we were subsisting on unemployment and the Northwest severance package.

We also had no disposable income for anything fun.  Shopping?  No.  Zoo trips?  No.  Restaurants?  No.  A walk to the neighborhood park that is kind of creepy?  Yes!

Then, Lauren got engaged.  To Jesse.  And she launched her wedding blog.  I read it and instantly thought it was entertaining and fun.  And since I had no money, was semi-depressed from my oldest daughter leaving the nest, and bored out of my mind, I started my companion blog!  I didn't even ask Lauren for permission.  She just woke up to it.

So, when Lauren and Jesse tie the knot and their wedding blog self-destructs, I am going to have to find another engaged to couple to stalk.  I think I will start trolling for one tonight.

Ick-ea

A new bride needs to furnish her home, right?  What I love about Lauren is she is clever and thrifty.  She looks for a bargain and can see the beauty in crap.  She never turns down a good deal, and even if she never uses that 8-track player or VCR, she's content knowing she got 'em for a steal.

I, on the other hand, have a hard time envisioning how an orange ceramic elephant might look in my home, or what I could do to it to make it fit my decor.  Which is kind of strange because I take pride in having good taste and am fairly adept at decorating my house.  I guess I just like to have things home ready.  I don't really want to have to build it, make it, paint it, create it or assemble it.

On that note, can I just take a moment here to say, I hate Ikea.

I tend to do all my shopping at the same stores, mainly because I get a discount.  I love Pottery Barn, Pottery Barn Kids, West Elm, Williams-Sonoma and Hold Everything.  I have an affinity for Restoration Hardware, especially their stocking stuffer bar at Christmas time.  Such strange and unique tchotchkes.  I also really like Target.  I'm not green, but I like that all of PBK's furniture is built with wood from sustainable forests.  I love that PB delivers most bigger items to your house, and assembles said pieces and takes away the packaging. 

On that note, I am not a fan of Ikea.

I also like Home Goods and TJ Maxx and more, although I don't get to either place very often.  But I can usually find a cute frame or something there.  I also can pretty much assume that if I buy a rug or chair there, no one else is going to own that rug or chair within a 300 mile radius.  The stuff is so random, and they usually only get one of a big ticket item in.  For instance, today I saw a weird hot pink and tan chair there, and it was a lone wolf, sitting all by itself.

On that note, I think I know why so much of Ikea's stuff is crap.  Anything that mass-produced has got to have a bad egg in there somewhere, and this weekend, we had not one, not two, but three bad eggs in the form of a tv console.

It was great while it lasted

Well.

I should have appreciated it more.  I should have loved it more.  I should have known it was fleeting.  That 80's heavy metal hair band sure knew what they were talking about when they sang, "don't know what you got, 'til it's gone"...

What am I lamenting you ask?

Tonight I came home from work, made a grilled cheese sandwich, and decided to catch up on my facebooking/emailing/browsing since I had the use of my husband's laptop.  The Mac is stilll down, mainly because we can't make a decision on whether to fix it or replace it.  And it is just too hard to do a lot of on-line stuff on my phone during the day with my big man hands.

Oh wait a second, let me go back a bit.

Today Lauren and I spoke.  On the phone.  That's right my friends.  She and I have officially entered into the bizarro world.  (A Seinfeld reference, for those of you who are hip enough to watch that show.)  We have always been careful not to cross that line.  You know, the line where actual human contact is involved.  We kind of assumed it would be weird and we would end up spending a lot of time together and then start to neglect our dogs and men, and also, in my case, children.  Well I guess she could neglect her nanny child.  (And then have someone write about her on that blog I Saw Your Nanny.  By the way, wtf?  What is that about?  I looked at it today and it is scary city.  Just a bunch of anonymous people posting snippets of random nannies neglecting children...)   Anyway, we were talking about a top secret project and I slayed her with my humor and quick wit, and then she lost her connection/hung up on me or something...blah, blah, blah...it didn't matter that much because I had someone coming over and had to get off the phone anyway.  The point is, we were chatting away like there was no tomorrow.  We were laughing.  Bonding.  Sharing.  Conspiring.

So, imagine my horror when I went to the Phat Farm site tonight to read about Lo's diet, and discovered that...MBFCW's tab has been removed.  It's back on the side with all those other blogs. 

RIP MBFFW

I have spent the past several days thinking.  And eating.  And watching a lot of TV.  But mostly, I have been thinking.

I am thinking about how I can monetize Lauren's blog.  And yes, I think I just invented a new verb.

Because I know my audience is directly a result of Lauren's blog, and I also know this blog will self-destruct the moment Jesse and Lauren say "I do," the first task at hand is to find a new subject for Lauren to blog about.  Then I can revamp this blog to echo her new blog.

This is where things get crazy.  Let's discuss some ideas.  In what format, you ask?  Bullet points!  Duh!

• Young Apartment Ambivalence--there are so many blogs out there going on and on about how terrific it is to renovate and decorate your home.  Lauren's could be more in the vein of, "ok, I did this, here is how it looks, it wasn't that fun and it cost me an arm and a leg..."
• Nanny 101--Lauren could do little tutorials on childcare.  Just last night, when I told her Kylee was a real pill at the MOA, she suggested we could sell her.  Now if Lauren could just perfect an English accent, ala Mary Poppins or Jo from that nanny show...
• The Wonder Year...a blog chronicling her and Jesse's first year of marriage.  I think this is a good one and has the most potential of securing advertisers.  She could test out kitchen products, gadgets for homes, visit restaurants, etc.  The possibilities are endless!

Guest Blogger: Bride of Chuckie Invasion

Has anyone seen the movie The King of Kong: a Fistful of Quarters?  Yeah, didn't think so.  It's a documentary about a laid-off science teacher who buys a Donkey Kong machine and becomes really good at the game and sets the world record.  Please don't ask why I have seen this movie, or why I believe I own this movie and it's in the basement of my house.  But do ask why that science teacher decided to spend his money on an arcade machine and then spend all his time mastering the game instead of looking for a job.

Anyway, that intro is just about me being able to say it's on like Donkey Kong.  What's on like Donkey Kong?  MBFCW's first guest blogger, that's what!  Thanks Lauren.

this is obviously a picture of Lauren

     Today Jesse and I made our inagural trip to Aldi.  For all you grocery shopping novices, Aldi is a discount grocery store.  I was initially beyond pissed that they dared ask me to insert a quarter to "release" a shopping cart.  I even told Jesse to go back to the car, drive home to Minnetonka, return with a laundry basket, and then follow me around the store as I shopped.  He declined, and so I made like a freak at Machine Shed and gave up the quarter.

     I was amazed at the assortment, but was skeptical of the "off" brands.  What I mean by "off" is my pizza rolls did not say "Totino's," but instead said "Italian-4-me-and-U."  Jesse and I trudged on though, and were quickly swayed by the cheaper prices.  As the signs say, "No looking for sales!"

     I also noticed that they are big on the money saving tip by having limited staffing.  That's more money in my pocket!  I bagged my own groceries, and then paid a paltry amount for some grocery bags.  (Again, if Jesse had gotten the laundry basket, we could have saved money and not bought the bags...)  And I came to realize that the whole quarter thing is an initiative to return the cart to it's original place, as YOU GET THE QUARTER BACK once that's done.  It saves on having to have a cart boy!

     And Gertie, the oldest employee at my Aldi, also told us that there are "special buys" that come around every so often.  She said, "while they last.  Get there fast" because I guess it's all snooze-you-lose, but that's also part of the Aldi tradition--surprises!  You never know what you might find!

     Also, while checking out, I noticed that Aldi does not accept credit cards, but they are working on that.  And they also offer what's called a "double guarantee."  This means that if you don't LOVE what you buy, Aldi will replace the item, (even though you didn't love it in the first place), and refund your money!  Score.

Lauren lives in Minnetonka, Minnesota with her fiance Jesse and their dogs, Honey Crisp and Jagger.  When Lauren is not blogging, you can find her facebook bossing-around-people, nannying it up in Uptown, and reminiscing about the good ole' days she spent as the Dairy Princess.  To read more of her musings, check out her blog.